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Going Back Home On Film - A Feelings & Photo Diary

When I planned this vacation to my grandparents home in Nevada I had no clue how deeply to my core I needed to do this. I did not know it was going to be in the midst of my life changing in every single possible way. Or how my whole entire body was aching for me to finally slow down and let myself heal. It started when my grandpa had another heart attack and I felt the overwhelming need to finally go back home and spend a few weeks helping them out. Before my trip Sky and I broke up, I moved out and into my best friend, Scottie's, place while viewing 5 different apartments every day and trying to accomplish a million things while still letting myself comprehend the weight of the decisions I had made. I felt strong but flailing, much like I have for the past few years, so I packed my bags and left for Cherry Creek, Nevada to spend 3 weeks at my favorite place in the world.


Glenys and Flynn Johnson built their home out of mud and recycled cans in an old ghost mining town in northern Nevada. This home is a labor of constant love and you can feel it deep inside your bones when you are there. The land goes on endlessly and makes you want to believe in everything when the sun goes down and you can see every star in the sky. The mornings were spent in the garden and as the heat set in we would go inside to can and cook meals made from love to then pack up a bottle of wine to drive to the tops of mountains to pick berries and have conversations that fill your soul with love and hope. As we worked so hard with our hands I could feel my body become more sturdy, grounded for the first time, as if the land itself was forgiving me. While I was there I found out my grandpa on my fathers side had passed away a month ago without me being told. This news shattered me, but at the same time I was gifted with the ability to be reminded that I am so much more than the anger and cruelty that I came from. That despite the evil that runs in my veins, there is an unmeasurable amount of strength and love and the ability to not only heal myself but to continue to care so deeply about everything around me. All of this gave me the chance to be in complete awe of where I come from and the pain that everyone feels, but continues to heal from.


I came back from this trip feeling the strongest I have ever felt. I am ready for life to continue in whatever way it needs to. To continue to feel everything as passionately as possible, to forgive and love as deeply as possible, to give up control and still remain assertive and kind. All of the parts of me that I love, but sometimes forget. I hope you all have a space the refuels you and reminds you of how spectacular life can be.


Enjoy some film photos of my safe place and a trip that changed me in every possible way.