Talking Self Care
I have a funny relationship with self care. It is something that is crucial and should be celebrated, but what does self care really look like? Not only in the treat yourself by buying that dreamy dress you've been lusting after or a well needed night in soaking in the tub, but also the nitty gritty "what am I REALLY working on and what are the steps I need to take?" I think about this A LOT. I have been in and out of therapy since I was twelve, so I guess a very critical eye on my mental state comes second nature to me. When faced with a problem or tension I force myself to ask "how can I be in the wrong here?" When I can find the answer to these questions and do the work to be better - that's when I truly feel I can celebrate myself.
To me - self care has been learning how to put up boundaries, exercising, admitting when I'm wrong, learning how to speak my truth and understanding how to love people for exactly who they are, letting myself cut loose and make mistakes and not completely hate myself for it. I have obviously not mastered any of these things, but continue to be patient with my process and appreciate the beauty within that. Don't get me wrong I will never underestimate the power of throwing on a pretty piece of clothing to help heal your sorrows, but we are here for the long run.
Recently I have been going through waves of feeling sorry for myself. Although cutting off my dad happened a staggering 4 years ago now, I still feel the pain and the waves of confusion and hate. I then turn around and try to talk about compassion and forgiveness, but sometimes I get so dark and jealous that I feel like a big fat phony. That's when I have to question myself the most. How can I forgive myself and others enough so I can continue to love fully. These are all questions that I do not have the answer to nor will I pretend to, but I am putting them out into the void in hopes that you all will feel comfort in the fact we all have dark parts in us that we are working on.
Dress: Simple Retro